Story of My Life: Equilibrium
by sat-anpu
Summary: Ishikawa decides to walk into a bar one night. Ishikawa's POV, starring Batou; one-shot; summary inside; rated T for language; Post-SSS


Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Ghost in the Shell universe. No characters belong to me. Nothing belongs to me.

Summary: Ishikawa walks into a local bar. To his surprise, he meets Batou there. Ishikawa's POV, starring Batou; one-shot

Setting: This follows my timeline of GITS: SAC fan-fics that I've done; this is post-Solid State Society so it immediately takes place after my fan-fic Plucked Rose.

Rating: T for language

Author's Note 1: So, I finally made a fan-fic starring Ishikawa. I haven't really seen anything centering around Ishikawa, and he's one of my favorite characters, so today after half a year of contemplating, I wrote something centered around him. I have no idea if I captured his character. I could have failed miserably for all I know, and before then, I couldn't think about in what context I should write him. Originally, I was going to have him speak with the Major, or even Togusa, but in the end, I decided Batou. Please read and review; constructive criticism only. I would especially like to know if I captured Ishikawa as being "in-character." But if not, oh well.

Also, I will give anyone a cookie (and be downright impressed) if they can figure out where I referenced Ishikawa's "worldly advice" from. ;) Let me know if anyone wants more GITS fan-fics as I am planning to do a GITS 2.0 fic in the future. I thought about wanting to write an entirely new GITS series (SAC universe, like a "season 3", although Solid State Society was the season 3 for me) but I don't have the intelligence to think of a masterful storyline. Enjoy!

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Story of My Life: Equilibrium

I don't know why, but tonight I found myself walking into a local bar. It was the one the Major always came to, the one she told me about. I never could remember the name of the damn place but always knew the location it was in. Never was a big alcoholic. I always preferred a cigarette to a shot of alcohol. But tonight was different. For the first time, it dawned on me how much Section 9 had changed. How everyone else around me became more confident, more depressed, or more reserved. I was the latter. I always felt the same. I was just the old man, old Ishikawa. After Aramaki, I was the oldest member on the team, or perhaps one of the oldest. I swear the Tachikoma operators were older. Sometimes I wondered when this work was going to kill me, if it would.

I had no fear of death, but I wasn't a cyborg either. The incident with the suicide bomber during the whole Dejima fiasco left me wounded, helpless. It was at that time I considered how lucky I was to be alive. Maybe God did care about me, if he exists. There were some times when I wished I could walk away from Section 9, just retire and disappear until I die. But if I did, then there would be nobody to inform the team about new leads that I came upon in certain cases, and nobody to work with poor Borma. Despite Borma being one of the most quiet team members, he often acknowledged the fact that I worked with him. I never took that as a compliment, but such compliments are rare in the military. I simply saw myself as a pet dog tethered on a leash, being pulled and ordered by the government as if this entity were my master.

All of that aside, to my utter surprise, I saw Batou sitting on one of the stools. For a moment, I thought I should leave quietly, maybe head back to the Parlour or go get wasted at my safehouse. Just taking one look at the yakuza-looking cyborg often scared me shitless. I never dallied to make private conversation with the man. I just worked with him like everyone else. I vowed to never allow myself to get attached to anyone because they would all likely end up dead. It's no wonder my first marriage ended in failure.

"So you come here too, Batou?" I broke the silence. Usually it was always difficult to sense what emotions were playing in Batou's unreadable mind. I never knew he came to this place, but it was always the Major's favorite bar to frequent…and favorite place to gather information. Batou turned his head towards me, but didn't linger that long in my direction. For a moment he didn't reply, but after taking another shot of alcohol, he stated what was on his mind.

"I feel like I'm falling apart Ishikawa," was all he said. I could hardly believe Batou was depressed, but ever since the Major returned to Section 9, he had been acting different. Or rather, ever since she disappeared Batou became more aloof and reserved, wanting to take on cases alone and just avoiding people in general. The way he talked to people didn't change, but the way he presented himself did. He kept his hair cut short and he dressed up in more formal clothes, if that makes any sense. The Major's disappearance and reappearance never startled me, but I was dismayed. As good of a job that Togusa was doing, he would just never replace the Major. I missed the old Togusa, the human one. And I suppose, I missed the old Batou.

I pulled up a stool next to Batou, told the bartender I would have what he was having. Batou probably had his alcohol processor on. I had heard nasty rumors from Pazu that Batou often drunk with his processor off, allowing him to become too plastered to think or act. I had no interest in a person's psychology but it seemed to me that this was a way for Batou to cope with work and possibly depression. I truly felt sorry for the man.

"If you ever have to listen to an old man's worldly advice, it's this," I said. "The days of men are as grass. Men flourish like the flower on the field. And when the wind passes over it, the flower disappears. After it disappears, it's never seen again." About to take another shot of alcohol, Batou paused midway through. I didn't know what his electronic eyes were focusing on, but I did know he appeared confused.

"It's true that we're mortal," he suddenly said. "But the Major is different. She could have disappeared for good, but she bloomed again in spring." All this symbolic language made me appreciate Batou's vocabulary and intelligence. He might have looked like a thug at one point but he was no idiot.

"Look Batou, I have no idea what's going on with you. But I do know it has something to do with Kusanagi." I knew the relationship between Batou and Motoko had some sexual tension going on between them. Or maybe I was just getting too old and losing my mind. No one else ever paid attention to them. Of course they didn't know better, Borma and the likes of them. But I _saw_ it. When I worked as a civilian contractor for the military, I learned in my training to observe everything. Batou didn't say anything to me after that. I was good at giving speeches.

I hate to admit it but I felt saddened by all the negativity that I was sensing in Batou's aura. Deep down inside I know Batou wanted to leave Section 9, but I hoped my speech would prevent him from hopping away or killing himself. Even though I told myself I would never get attached to any Section 9 member, I simply couldn't stop being human. I couldn't stop worrying about everyone else around me. I remember at one time in my youth when I wanted to walk away from it all, walk away from the military and all the government bullshit. Then when my wife walked away on me, I realized I couldn't become the person like she was. I couldn't give up so easily and when I joined Section 9, I could never allow myself to walk away again.

I gave a quick smack on Batou's shoulder, then got up out my stool. Batou didn't say anything but he looked at me with another unreadable face. I pulled out a cigarette and lighter, and prepared for another smoke that would probably kill me in the future. I was ready to leave when I turned around to Batou.

"Anyway Batou, I hope you find what you're looking for, that special someone or something. Don't allow that person to vanish." For a moment, I remembered the fleeting happiness of a brief relationship lost long ago. I brushed the thought aside and left the bar, not turning around once to look at Batou again. My vacation day was over and back to work tomorrow. Tomorrow, everything would be normal.

Tomorrow, everything would be in equilibrium.


End file.
